I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
