he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I need to align my fucking chakras
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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