I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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