Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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