Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
There are leaves in my underwear?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
