No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
