alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
