she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
