At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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