Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Alive.
So much puke
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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