I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
