you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize