He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
