i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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