my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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