I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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