I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
