I'm sorry my penis didn't work
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm at about main and main street
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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