everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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