we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
This gyro tastes like lonliness
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she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
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One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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