You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
cat food counts as protein by the way
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
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She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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