Who did Billy Mays play for?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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