So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
