just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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