Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
