As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
home. puking in laundry basket.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
