I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
