guys are not supposed to queef...right?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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