I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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