I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
