i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
