God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
