i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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