I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
