my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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