I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
