oh god the rape fog is back!
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
