Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
