but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
