It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
