She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
