marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
