so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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