i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
