I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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