She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
