I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
