Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we're making bets on your personal life
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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