I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
