you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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