haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
