but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
