I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
