sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
