I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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