I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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