New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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