can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
