$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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