True but thats because hes a fetus.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have tasted many bathrooms
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
