Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
