Say something about gay babies.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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