Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
