So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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