Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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