I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
