Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
