god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
